Samantha (sunnybunnygirl) wrote,
Samantha
sunnybunnygirl

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Pissed and confined, before me or I and we come clean, it gets worse. It's more.

I gave in last night and called Chris. I decided to use the fact that I needed a ride to school as an excuse to call him, and we ended up talking for two hours.

He loves listening to my problems and, well, I enjoy talking about them, so we spent a lot of the time doing that. Actually, I was kind of trying to sway away from the subject of Justin, but he kept bringing it back up. He's trying to help our relationship because I am not happy with it at all. I don't know how Justin is feeling, but as of lately, I think our relationship has gone way past stale.

I feel so horrible that I don't want to take Justin to prom. I just know that if I brought him, he'd be quiet and weird the whole night and it wouldn't be fun. I kept trying to hint to Chris that I wanted him to take me, but he just kept saying how he's too shy to ask anyone and he'd only go if they asked him. Great. We both have the same problem. I really do want to go with him, but I'm so scared to ask.

I kept talking about prom dresses and how I wanted to get all pretty, and he stops me mid-sentence and says, "But you are pretty." It was so sweet.

I'm getting pathetic. I go to the cafeteria in hopes that we'll run into each other and we can talk. I time my walking so that we pass each other after classes. I make up excuses to call him. I ask him for rides home so that we have extra time to talk.

... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, I SHOULDN'T BE ACTING LIKE THIS. I'm developing such a junior high crush, it makes me sick.

I really don't know what to think about anything anymore. I don't even know if I still care about Justin; all I seem to do lately is complain about him. We haven't even talked since Saturday night. Truthfully, it doesn't bother me at all.

I try to tell Chris that, but all he wants to do is help. Today when he gave me a ride home from school, he picked up my folder for me. My folder is covered in pictures, and there's a few pictures of me and Justin on there. I know he saw them. He got all weird and was like, "Um. Here." I felt so bad. My mom says that if I don't make up my mind, I'm going to eventually hurt him to the point where he hates me. I don't want that to happen.

I'm so damn confused.
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