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[02.16.04 - 4:21 pm ]
Go here:


Add it!
someday, somehow

[04.18.03 - 4:14 pm ]
Hi. Those of you who are on my friends list who haven't added me to my new journal (ifnotyou_heart) yet, DO IT NOW!!

... please?? :)

someday, somehow

[04.16.03 - 8:02 pm ]
New Journal


Add me, or I'll be sad
someday, somehow

[04.16.03 - 6:36 pm ]
I think I'm going to make a new journal. I'm sick of this one.

I'll be keeping it up, I just want to start over. There's too many bad memories in this journal and everytime I go back to read them, I get depressed. So I think it'll be refreshing to just start from scratch.

I don't have a code or anything yet, but when I do get a new lj

someday, somehow

I'll wait for you there alone. [04.16.03 - 3:39 pm ]
[ mood | stressed ]

Justin: with the whole suit thing
Justin: thats what im mainly worried about
sunnybunnygirl04: i see
sunnybunnygirl04: dont worry about everyone else. whatever you get will be nice i'm sure
Justin: haha honestly i dont give a damn about everyone else
sunnybunnygirl04: well that's good
Justin: they can say what they want..i just dont want it to get to u

He's so cute.

Everyone is stressing about color coordination, who's in our group, and how the pictures are going to look. It's driving me crazy.


Pushing a lover to love another. Are you turned on? Are you turned on? [04.16.03 - 2:52 pm ]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I have been such a bitch lately.

Megan and I laughed about it after school.

I told her some of the things I've done and said to people, and she was laughing so hard she was almost crying. She found it funny because she's been feeling the same way all week too.

I guess I've been acting like this because all of my life I've just been the nice, quiet, passive girl that never gets mad. I can only hold it in for so long.

someday, somehow

[04.16.03 - 9:00 am ]
[ mood | tired ]

I hope that today goes by fast.

I've been having a lot of demented dreams lately. Ones where I'm getting raped and stuff. This always happens every couple of months when I'm really stressed out about things. Hopefully they'll go away soon.

There's nothing really to say right now.

someday, somehow

For those who were wondering, I got a white dodge neon [04.15.03 - 4:17 pm ]
[ mood | dorky ]

It scares me that I like Justin so much.

Everytime that happens, the guy ends up hurting me.


Also, everytime I come home from school I catch myself looking over my shoulder because a part of me expects to see Paul walking towards my house. A year later, and I still expect him to be there.

someday, somehow

Sitting on the ground and we whisper, "Say what you're thinking out loud." [04.15.03 - 2:36 pm ]
[ mood | bitchy ]

I don't know why, but I've been in the nastiest mood the past few days.

I mean, I'm going to prom. I got my dress. I got a freakin' car. Why would I be so pissed off about everything??

I kept snapping at people, and Jen's brother drove me up the wall. He follows me around in class and it annoys the hell out of me. I was getting ready to start doing bench press today, and he walks up to me and is like, "I'm going to use this when you're done," and stands over me. I told him I hadn't even started my first set yet, but he still stood there. I told him he was being dumb and to go do something else until another bar opened up, and he got all mad and was like, "Whatever, Sam. It's the world against Mike, isn't it?" I was about ready to smack him.

Anyway, I think my mood is getting better now. My parents were kind of disappointed to my reaction about getting a car yesterday. They expected me to get really excited and jump around and everything, but I didn't. I just smiled, said thanks, and went to my room. I feel bad about it, but I couldn't help it. I was in the most horrible mood I think I've ever been in.

When the car actually gets here, I'll be more excited to make up for it.

I cannot wait until prom. It's next Saturday, but it seems like forever. I'm so excited. It really is all I've been thinking about since last week.


[04.14.03 - 4:14 pm ]
My parents bought my car today. I get it in a few days.

someday, somehow

[04.13.03 - 6:49 pm ]
[ mood | excited ]

I got my dress!

It's a floor-length strapless. It's a hot pink color, but a little bit darker. I'm in love with it. I got shoes to match, but I still need to get jewelry and figure out how I'm going to do my hair. I want to wear my hair up in a french wrap probably, so I'm going to look for pretty dangly earrings.

Justin is hell bent on standing out, so he's thinking about getting a nice suit, then wearing a dark red button up shirt under it. I think it'll look so hot on him. He looks good in red. He says he'll probably want me to go, because he wants to make sure that I like whatever he gets so that he doesn't embarrass me. He's so cute. :) I told him that if he gets a dark red shirt, he should dye his hair dark red to match. It's a dark blue-black right now, and if he dyed it dark dark red, it'd make the whole outfit hotter.

But yeah, Joe called me earlier today and told me he was in front of Rachel's house, listening to Jeff and Rachel argue. He told me how yesterday night Jeff said to him that he realizes now how much of a psycho Rachel is after hanging out with me. I suppose that's the only reason why he doesn't like me.. because I'm not a psycho bitch. Okay. Weirdo. But yeah, I thought it was funny.

Our group for prom is going to be huge. I'm so excited. :D

someday, somehow

[04.13.03 - 10:57 am ]
[ mood | excited ]

I asked Justin to prom last night.

After a little persuasion, he said yes. I'm going shop dressing in an hour or so


someday, somehow

I never trusted anyone but somehow I trust you. [04.12.03 - 6:46 pm ]
[ mood | anxious ]

Joe came to pick me up around 4:30 last night, and we went and got his car washed.

I haven't seen the guy in forever, but I love him to pieces. I have the best time when I'm with him. We're such dorks when we're together.

We made fun of Rachel and he told me about all the shit she puts Jeff through and how psychotic she really is. I mean, I had an idea, but I didn't know that it was THAT bad. Speaking of Jeff, we went to his house after Joe was done getting his car washed. I was kind of nervous, but I knew Rob was going to be there. He's one of my favorite people that I know. He's such a huge sweetheart.

So when we first got there, I said hi to Rob and gave him a hug, then kind of ignored Jeff. He also kind of ignored me. The last couple times we've hung out, we've tried to be nice to each other, but it's still been really awkward.

We went to Chili's, but Jeff and Rob went to Rachel's house first before meeting back up with us. Rachel and Jeff got in a fight, so they left. Joe and I were saying that if Jeff brought Rachel to Chili's with us, we'd get our food to go and leave them. Haha.

After Chili's, we drove out to Glendale to pick up one of Joe's ex-girlfriends. She was really nice. I like her a lot better than Briana. She looked young though; I don't know what it is with Joe and 13 year olds.

Around the time we got to the movie, Jeff and I started joking around a lot. I think that's the most comfortable I've ever been around him since I've known him. When we used to hang out during the summer, I used to always feel sort of nervous. But in the theater, I didn't at all. We were making bets and making fun of each other, and I just know that if Rachel knew she'd rip my eyes out with her bare hands. Haha.

I was kind of upset all night because when I called Justin earlier, he wasn't in the best of moods. I thought maybe it was my fault, so I told him just to call me later. I noticed after the movie that he had called me, so I checked my message he left and it was basically him apologizing for the way he was acting earlier. He said it was nothing I did, and he was sorry for making me feel like I was the reason he was mad. It was so sweet. I called him and we talked for a few minutes.

I'm asking him to prom tonight. I'm so nervous, yet kind of excited. I hope he says yes.

someday, somehow

THIS IS TOO GREAT. [04.11.03 - 3:54 pm ]
[ mood | amused ]

if not you heart: guess who slammed into me in the hall today, and i think they did it on purpose
AMPlified0310: who?
if not you heart: rachel
AMPlified0310: lol
if not you heart: yeah i was like what the fuck
AMPlified0310: rachel and who else?
if not you heart: just her i think
if not you heart: maybe one other person
AMPlified0310: oh
AMPlified0310: yeah, she hates you
AMPlified0310: it's kind of funny
AMPlified0310: cause
AMPlified0310: I have pics of you up
if not you heart: but i was walking by her not really paying attention, then all of a sudden she slams her shoulder into me
AMPlified0310: and she gets pist everytime she comes over
if not you heart: hahaha that's the only reason why?
if not you heart: you should put up tons and tons of pictures of me up, and ones of me and jeff. HAHAHA
AMPlified0310: lol

someday, somehow

[04.11.03 - 2:17 pm ]
[ mood | okay ]

Rachel is such a bitch.

I've never done anything to her but been misleaded by her boyfriend. Sure, I talk shit about her sometimes but I'm positive that she has never had that done about her before. I KNOW she's had people talk shit about her. Anyway.

I was walking to class with Jen, and Rachel was walking towards me going to her class. I looked at her for a second, didn't think anything of it, and kept walking. All of a sudden I feel a shoulder ram into mine and push me back.

I turned around, and guess who did it? Rachel fucking Day. I yelled out, "BITCH!" at her, but I don't know if she heard me. I really dislike her a lot. I don't care if she knows this. I don't care if Jeff does either.

In other news, I got accepted to thecuties hehe

someday, somehow

These break up songs make sense again and I really wish they didn't. [04.10.03 - 3:41 pm ]
[ mood | anxious ]



someday, somehow

[04.10.03 - 2:46 pm ]
I just remembered something really weird, and quite disturbing.

I went into the bathroom before fifth hour to check my make up, since I have weight training for fourth. I walk in, and there's only one other person in there and she's in one of the stalls.

She starts panting and groaning. I stood completely still for a second, wondering what the heck was going on. She did not stop for at least five minutes. She was even still doing it when I left the bathroom.

It was completely weird, and I don't even want to know what was going on.
someday, somehow

This house is full of ears but I can't talk to anyone. They've heard this one a thousand times. [04.10.03 - 2:23 pm ]
[ mood | disappointed ]

I was catapulted back down to reality today.

Chris came up to me after weight training and was like, "I think I may be going to prom after all." Part of me was like, "Great, I can't ask him now," and the other half was hoping that he was leading up to some sort of way of asking me. Of course, it was the first. He told me he was talking to this girl from school who wanted to go, so he's going to ask her. Funny, because two days earlier he was telling me how he'd never ask someone even if he knew they wanted to go with him.

I was a little upset, and tried to give him an enthusiastic congrats on being able to go but I don't think I was very convincing. Usually when I'm upset about something, the person I'm talking to will know it.

I was talking to Cassie today about prom, and I decided I should at least give Justin a chance. I'm scared to death that he is going to say no, just like he does whenever else I want him to go somewhere with me and my friends. I'm thinking, THIS IS PROM, HE HAS TO SAY YES.. but, he didn't even go to his own prom. And he's been a bit self-centered lately, so I'm scared to death that he'll say no.

How horrible would that be to get rejected by my own boyfriend.
How horrible that I'm afraid of getting rejected by my own boyfriend.
It's not supposed to be like this.

someday, somehow

Because I am obsessed with this song. [04.09.03 - 6:34 pm ]
[ mood | bored ]

I made a new aim screen name and I think you should all add it and talk to me.

if not you heart

Indeed it is from a Glassjaw song <3

someday, somehow

Pissed and confined, before me or I and we come clean, it gets worse. It's more. [04.09.03 - 2:24 pm ]
[ mood | tired ]

I gave in last night and called Chris. I decided to use the fact that I needed a ride to school as an excuse to call him, and we ended up talking for two hours.

He loves listening to my problems and, well, I enjoy talking about them, so we spent a lot of the time doing that. Actually, I was kind of trying to sway away from the subject of Justin, but he kept bringing it back up. He's trying to help our relationship because I am not happy with it at all. I don't know how Justin is feeling, but as of lately, I think our relationship has gone way past stale.

I feel so horrible that I don't want to take Justin to prom. I just know that if I brought him, he'd be quiet and weird the whole night and it wouldn't be fun. I kept trying to hint to Chris that I wanted him to take me, but he just kept saying how he's too shy to ask anyone and he'd only go if they asked him. Great. We both have the same problem. I really do want to go with him, but I'm so scared to ask.

I kept talking about prom dresses and how I wanted to get all pretty, and he stops me mid-sentence and says, "But you are pretty." It was so sweet.

I'm getting pathetic. I go to the cafeteria in hopes that we'll run into each other and we can talk. I time my walking so that we pass each other after classes. I make up excuses to call him. I ask him for rides home so that we have extra time to talk.

... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND, I SHOULDN'T BE ACTING LIKE THIS. I'm developing such a junior high crush, it makes me sick.

I really don't know what to think about anything anymore. I don't even know if I still care about Justin; all I seem to do lately is complain about him. We haven't even talked since Saturday night. Truthfully, it doesn't bother me at all.

I try to tell Chris that, but all he wants to do is help. Today when he gave me a ride home from school, he picked up my folder for me. My folder is covered in pictures, and there's a few pictures of me and Justin on there. I know he saw them. He got all weird and was like, "Um. Here." I felt so bad. My mom says that if I don't make up my mind, I'm going to eventually hurt him to the point where he hates me. I don't want that to happen.

I'm so damn confused.

someday, somehow

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